This certainly hits home with me. I donate what I can to candidates I favor. However, doing so gets one on the handy-dandy DNC list of fools. I get texts and emails from all over the country begging for money. My fave is “but we must have it today, right now, in fact”. I admit I sent money to Warnock last election and I’d like to send him some this cycle because, goddess knows, Herschel Walker is the KKK’s wet-dream come to life. I have a standard reply for all out of state candidates. I have it saved in “notes” so all I have to do copy it to the latest candidate shaking a tin cup. The standard reply is below.
“Hey, buddy, I feel your pain, but I’m not reaching for my credit card. I live in Texas. We are overpopulated with ignorant asshole Republican politicians in the Lone Star State. We’re the ones down here with school shootings, no gun control and no control over our own bodies thanks to Goobernor Asshatt and his bully boys Patrick (under indictment) and Paxton and a lobotomized legislature full of RepubliKKKans. I’m shoveling money as fast as I can to Dem candidates right here in Tejas in an effort to restore sanity to a state that was only hanging on to a semblance of it, and then the damned thread broke, and here we are. In Texas, it’s a god-given right to own a gun if you’re tall enough to place the money on the counter to buy it. It is apparently not a right of women to determine the fate of their bodies and reproductive systems. There are more and more of us who are disgusted with Rethuglicans. So, I’m spending all my beer money on donations right here in my own state. Shiner Brewery profits have dropped precipitously.
To put my position succinctly re a donation to your campaign, if you were depending on $$$ from me, you are well and truly screwed and tattooed, verfercked, and SOL. If you haven’t impressed the people in your state well enough to convince them to elect you, lack of money may not be the problem, amigo. I wish you luck.”
Bess, Martin Sheen likes you so much more than he likes me. His message to me was dry and boring, didn’t mean Charlie at all, and used acronyms that I do not know the meaning of. I wish your teacher had written me. I usually delete all text requests for campaign $ without reading them, but Mrs Harris would have stopped me in my tracks. And so this has gotten me thinking. What if we text everyone we know in our address books and write a plea for money for the Democrats like your mom supposedly did? Now that’s grassroots at its best. And she didn’t write you a fake obituary to go with it, so that’s progress in your relationship, I’d say.
This certainly hits home with me. I donate what I can to candidates I favor. However, doing so gets one on the handy-dandy DNC list of fools. I get texts and emails from all over the country begging for money. My fave is “but we must have it today, right now, in fact”. I admit I sent money to Warnock last election and I’d like to send him some this cycle because, goddess knows, Herschel Walker is the KKK’s wet-dream come to life. I have a standard reply for all out of state candidates. I have it saved in “notes” so all I have to do copy it to the latest candidate shaking a tin cup. The standard reply is below.
“Hey, buddy, I feel your pain, but I’m not reaching for my credit card. I live in Texas. We are overpopulated with ignorant asshole Republican politicians in the Lone Star State. We’re the ones down here with school shootings, no gun control and no control over our own bodies thanks to Goobernor Asshatt and his bully boys Patrick (under indictment) and Paxton and a lobotomized legislature full of RepubliKKKans. I’m shoveling money as fast as I can to Dem candidates right here in Tejas in an effort to restore sanity to a state that was only hanging on to a semblance of it, and then the damned thread broke, and here we are. In Texas, it’s a god-given right to own a gun if you’re tall enough to place the money on the counter to buy it. It is apparently not a right of women to determine the fate of their bodies and reproductive systems. There are more and more of us who are disgusted with Rethuglicans. So, I’m spending all my beer money on donations right here in my own state. Shiner Brewery profits have dropped precipitously.
To put my position succinctly re a donation to your campaign, if you were depending on $$$ from me, you are well and truly screwed and tattooed, verfercked, and SOL. If you haven’t impressed the people in your state well enough to convince them to elect you, lack of money may not be the problem, amigo. I wish you luck.”
God bless you. The ones I hate the most? “Humbly asking” - don’t be humble! Be a badass!
Love these. I so relate to the one from your mom!
soooooooooo hilarious!
Bess, Martin Sheen likes you so much more than he likes me. His message to me was dry and boring, didn’t mean Charlie at all, and used acronyms that I do not know the meaning of. I wish your teacher had written me. I usually delete all text requests for campaign $ without reading them, but Mrs Harris would have stopped me in my tracks. And so this has gotten me thinking. What if we text everyone we know in our address books and write a plea for money for the Democrats like your mom supposedly did? Now that’s grassroots at its best. And she didn’t write you a fake obituary to go with it, so that’s progress in your relationship, I’d say.