Democratic Nominees For President
The Grudge Report's Official Endorsements
The following is a carefully considered list of presidential candidates whole-heartedly endorsed by this publication in a race against Donald Trump.
A tree with a face drawn on it
Ice Cube
An ice cube
“Trouble,” the Maltese dog that inherited Leona Helmsley’s fortune
The person who wrote the “We come to this place to find magic” ad for AMC Theatres
Joe Biden
Joe Jonas
Joey Fatone
JoJo Siwa
Winona Ryder as Jo March
Any Broadway usher who efficiently seats late people during an act break
My friend Ariel (actually)
My friend Ari (actually)
Their daughter who is six and three-quarters (actually)
My dad! (aw)
Gavin Newsom if he must
Gavin DeGraw (what happened?)
Tim McGraw (WAIT ACTUALLY!)
FAITH HILL!!!
The RA I had in college who told me that his favorite Godard films were Breathless and À bout de souffle even though that is the same movie
Anyone
Anything
Any non-material theoretical entity
Kamala
A response piece titled “Why we will not jump ship on the Titanic”:
We paid the band in advance.
The Captain worked really hard to become captain.
The iceberg can smell fear.
Not sure those life rafts are electable.
Fox News said this ship would sink, ergo it’s fine.
Pre-iceberg this was a solid ship, you ingrates.
My ticket isn’t transferable to another ship. Is it?
my personal pick is Hello Kitty