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Conversations With Legendary NYC Ladies in My Parents' Building

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Conversations With Legendary NYC Ladies in My Parents' Building

An Upper West Side Fantasia

Bess Kalb
May 30, 2023
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Conversations With Legendary NYC Ladies in My Parents' Building

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In the past few weeks I have visited my mom in her apartment several times. Fortunately it has been extraordinary in terms of encounters with Jewish women of a certain age.

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ME, LOOKING AT HER WHITE, FLUFFY DOG: What’s her name?

WOMAN IN ELEVATOR: His. His name.

ME: Sorry.

WOMAN: It’s fine. He has feminine eyes.

ME: Yes.

WOMAN: Jelly.

ME: Excuse me?

WOMAN: His name is Jelly.

ME: Oh is there a Peanut Butter, too?

WOMAN: What?

ME: Peanut Butter and Jelly?

WOMAN: …

ME: …

ELEVATOR STOPS

WOMAN: Say goodbye to this woman, Jelly.


WOMAN IN ELEVATOR: I’m going to 9.

ME: I think the doorman already pushed 9.

WOMAN: It never works when Craig does it. You have to press it twice.

[I PRESS THE LIT BUTTON]

ME: That should do it!

WOMAN: I hope. Once I sat here for five minutes not moving. I thought I was going to die in here.

ME: It’s good you didn’t!

WOMAN: Eh.


WOMAN IN LOBBY: You’re Robin Bell’s daughter.

ME: Yes! You know her?

WOMAN: I know she got one of my Amazon packages!

ME: Oh! I’ll ask her about it!

WOMAN: I already have! She denies it.

ME: I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding.

WOMAN: You’re sure.

ME: Maybe it’s still out for delivery?

WOMAN: It says it was delivered.

ME: When?

WOMAN: In November.

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Conversations With Legendary NYC Ladies in My Parents' Building

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Emily
May 30

This is so real... love it!

Scene: Two old ladies are walking arm in arm up 3rd ave, we are enjoying an early dinner at T-Bar outside circa 2016 - next to our table is our double-wide bugaboo donkey with our infant twin boys sleeping in side by side basinets.

Bubbie 1: Are they Twins???

Me: Yes they are... (they are two infants the same age side by side in matching basinets)

Bubbie 2: They are soooo dahhhling, THAT one is a boy (twin a) and THAT one is a girl (twin b).

Me: Thank you... actually they are both boys

Bubbie 1: She's adorable (pointing to twin b) Mazel tov.

repeat.

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CKB
May 30

"Say goodbye to this woman, Jelly." Only Murders in the Building vibes

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