Conversations With Legendary NYC Ladies in My Parents' Building
An Upper West Side Fantasia
In the past few weeks I have visited my mom in her apartment several times. Fortunately it has been extraordinary in terms of encounters with Jewish women of a certain age.
ME, LOOKING AT HER WHITE, FLUFFY DOG: What’s her name?
WOMAN IN ELEVATOR: His. His name.
ME: Sorry.
WOMAN: It’s fine. He has feminine eyes.
ME: Yes.
WOMAN: Jelly.
ME: Excuse me?
WOMAN: His name is Jelly.
ME: Oh is there a Peanut Butter, too?
WOMAN: What?
ME: Peanut Butter and Jelly?
WOMAN: …
ME: …
ELEVATOR STOPS
WOMAN: Say goodbye to this woman, Jelly.
WOMAN IN ELEVATOR: I’m going to 9.
ME: I think the doorman already pushed 9.
WOMAN: It never works when Craig does it. You have to press it twice.
[I PRESS THE LIT BUTTON]
ME: That should do it!
WOMAN: I hope. Once I sat here for five minutes not moving. I thought I was going to die in here.
ME: It’s good you didn’t!
WOMAN: Eh.
WOMAN IN LOBBY: You’re Robin Bell’s daughter.
ME: Yes! You know her?
WOMAN: I know she got one of my Amazon packages!
ME: Oh! I’ll ask her about it!
WOMAN: I already have! She denies it.
ME: I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding.
WOMAN: You’re sure.
ME: Maybe it’s still out for delivery?
WOMAN: It says it was delivered.
ME: When?
WOMAN: In November.
This is so real... love it!
Scene: Two old ladies are walking arm in arm up 3rd ave, we are enjoying an early dinner at T-Bar outside circa 2016 - next to our table is our double-wide bugaboo donkey with our infant twin boys sleeping in side by side basinets.
Bubbie 1: Are they Twins???
Me: Yes they are... (they are two infants the same age side by side in matching basinets)
Bubbie 2: They are soooo dahhhling, THAT one is a boy (twin a) and THAT one is a girl (twin b).
Me: Thank you... actually they are both boys
Bubbie 1: She's adorable (pointing to twin b) Mazel tov.
repeat.
"Say goodbye to this woman, Jelly." Only Murders in the Building vibes