I refused to scroll all the way down until I read the entire thing. And, I was thinking "there had better fucking be a picture of her in the dress" in the back of my mind. So thanks for that. You look like you are owning the shit out of that dress - bravo! The shoes are perfect too. And, yes, you could do so much with it - booties and a leather jacket... Good call. My kids are 17 and 19 and my second big lesson of parenting, (the first was, perfection is not an option) was that it's a master class in ambivalence. No matter what I'm doing, how I'm spending my resources or focus, I typically feel as though I could be making a different choice. Recommend you find some comfort in that space. Love your work. And yes, I read the book. xo
This essay was everything to me. I have two kids, 3yr and 8mo, and every word was relatable. Love the dress, you look incredible, and I feel so seen as a mom who has also been pregnant or nursing (still nursing!) since 2019. Thank you for this content that made my life immeasurably better tonight! I’m also going to embrace the few - VERY FEW - moments I have to dress nice and feel good.
No one wants or needs to know how I relate to what's been expertly written here. I only want to know how I can go about increasing the amount of my subscription contribution.
That is a beautiful dress. And you look fantastic in it. And ... it IS the clothes. Not your body! I don’t know you. Or your grandmother. And I know it’s funny to be mean to yourself and you are so very funny but also... you look lovely and young and glowing and happy and healthy and glorious. And I bet you look that way in jean shorts and a cheerful comfy tshirt too. But I am so glad you bought that dress!
I actually wasn’t expecting to see a picture of the dress but when I got to it I said “Oooh pretty” reflexively to this empty room I am sitting in. Nice pick! And great essay.
Just loved this piece even though I am almost 30 years past when I had my children. You spoke to us all. So glad you went back and that the dress was still there. And so THANKFUL for that amazing photo of you in the dress that you will surely wear many times.
Look how beautiful you look! Having just spent half a hundred dollars on a top today (on sale), having first carried it to every floor in Macy's looking for something cheaper that I liked, I can so relate. Even when the kids are grown the difficulty in giving yourself something doesn't completely go away. Thanks for sharing.
I had to go back over this masterwork, as I do most masterworks, and I'm still smiling, even more broadly this time, with three new points:
1) My WGAe fellowship mentor lives at 36 W. 84th St. What are the odds?
2) I hope you guys get a messiah someday so I can take his or her name in vain too. It's only fair.
3) What a payoff at the end -- what genius -- such a lovely dress, for the lovely deserving person in it. Congrats, Kate! You've done all of Substackia proud.
I am 57 and have three grown men, birthed from my now much softer body, and I have to admit I jumped to the end to make sure it was a happy ending because I don't have the mental fortitude any more to cope with the disappointment of you NOT getting the dress. Then I came back to read the details. Nailed it, as always. The juggling of motherhood and 'mehood' is often tainted with shame for acknowledging we are both mothers and ourselves...yeah, I hear you. You look divine in the dress. It was definitely the right decision. And weirdly, my husband, would have been the first to tell you to buy it; not that he is a fashionista, merely that he long ago realised that how you feel about the purchase wipes out the memory of the cost. He spent several weeks visiting a Berghaus Gortex coat back in the 80s which was insanely expensive at the time, but once he bought it, the price melted away. And he wore it for 22 years. So, here's to loving how our clothes make us feel.
What a fabulous story and what a fabulous dress! I think I’m the lone wolf in not caring for Joan Didion. She was a an alcoholic and self admitted horrible mother. I loved her writings in the New Yorker when her husband died and A Year of Magical Thinking, but my husband and I tried to read Slouching Towards Bethlehem aloud and it was rubbish. Gossip rag rubbish. We got to the Joan Baez cult chapter and I threw in the towel. It was like TMZ for fancy people who drink too much and do too many drugs.
I refused to scroll all the way down until I read the entire thing. And, I was thinking "there had better fucking be a picture of her in the dress" in the back of my mind. So thanks for that. You look like you are owning the shit out of that dress - bravo! The shoes are perfect too. And, yes, you could do so much with it - booties and a leather jacket... Good call. My kids are 17 and 19 and my second big lesson of parenting, (the first was, perfection is not an option) was that it's a master class in ambivalence. No matter what I'm doing, how I'm spending my resources or focus, I typically feel as though I could be making a different choice. Recommend you find some comfort in that space. Love your work. And yes, I read the book. xo
This essay was everything to me. I have two kids, 3yr and 8mo, and every word was relatable. Love the dress, you look incredible, and I feel so seen as a mom who has also been pregnant or nursing (still nursing!) since 2019. Thank you for this content that made my life immeasurably better tonight! I’m also going to embrace the few - VERY FEW - moments I have to dress nice and feel good.
Gorgeous! And, oh honey, you will remember how you feel in that dress forever! Now go live your life and enjoy!!!
It’s lovely! I feel inspired to finally buy some nice, flattering, post-baby (it’s been 3 years 😭) clothes.
No one wants or needs to know how I relate to what's been expertly written here. I only want to know how I can go about increasing the amount of my subscription contribution.
That is a beautiful dress. And you look fantastic in it. And ... it IS the clothes. Not your body! I don’t know you. Or your grandmother. And I know it’s funny to be mean to yourself and you are so very funny but also... you look lovely and young and glowing and happy and healthy and glorious. And I bet you look that way in jean shorts and a cheerful comfy tshirt too. But I am so glad you bought that dress!
I actually wasn’t expecting to see a picture of the dress but when I got to it I said “Oooh pretty” reflexively to this empty room I am sitting in. Nice pick! And great essay.
Just loved this piece even though I am almost 30 years past when I had my children. You spoke to us all. So glad you went back and that the dress was still there. And so THANKFUL for that amazing photo of you in the dress that you will surely wear many times.
You look beautiful. And, when the voice of your Grandma-in-your-head AND your mother agree, listen!
I’d be lost if I didn’t listen to stoned moms and dead grandmothers.
Look how beautiful you look! Having just spent half a hundred dollars on a top today (on sale), having first carried it to every floor in Macy's looking for something cheaper that I liked, I can so relate. Even when the kids are grown the difficulty in giving yourself something doesn't completely go away. Thanks for sharing.
oh my goodness, this post was so good I gave substack my credit card as soon as I finished reading.
Bravo, BRAVO!!!
I had to go back over this masterwork, as I do most masterworks, and I'm still smiling, even more broadly this time, with three new points:
1) My WGAe fellowship mentor lives at 36 W. 84th St. What are the odds?
2) I hope you guys get a messiah someday so I can take his or her name in vain too. It's only fair.
3) What a payoff at the end -- what genius -- such a lovely dress, for the lovely deserving person in it. Congrats, Kate! You've done all of Substackia proud.
I am 57 and have three grown men, birthed from my now much softer body, and I have to admit I jumped to the end to make sure it was a happy ending because I don't have the mental fortitude any more to cope with the disappointment of you NOT getting the dress. Then I came back to read the details. Nailed it, as always. The juggling of motherhood and 'mehood' is often tainted with shame for acknowledging we are both mothers and ourselves...yeah, I hear you. You look divine in the dress. It was definitely the right decision. And weirdly, my husband, would have been the first to tell you to buy it; not that he is a fashionista, merely that he long ago realised that how you feel about the purchase wipes out the memory of the cost. He spent several weeks visiting a Berghaus Gortex coat back in the 80s which was insanely expensive at the time, but once he bought it, the price melted away. And he wore it for 22 years. So, here's to loving how our clothes make us feel.
Motherhood is only one of the things that define you. Embrace the other aspects of your totality, too. Good you for for buying the dress.
What a fabulous story and what a fabulous dress! I think I’m the lone wolf in not caring for Joan Didion. She was a an alcoholic and self admitted horrible mother. I loved her writings in the New Yorker when her husband died and A Year of Magical Thinking, but my husband and I tried to read Slouching Towards Bethlehem aloud and it was rubbish. Gossip rag rubbish. We got to the Joan Baez cult chapter and I threw in the towel. It was like TMZ for fancy people who drink too much and do too many drugs.
With you on Joan D. 100%.
And your Bubbie Bobby is dancing a jig in heaven with you in that dress. 💖💖