Acceptable vacations for my sons to take when they grow up should they become billionaires
It's cool and fun to be safe, guys!
I have always maintained that it is totally immoral for one person to have a billion dollars unless they are one of my children. In light of the horrible tragedy dominating the news cycle, here are some acceptable vacations and even some cool expeditions my children are permitted to take when they become extraordinarily rich due to ethical reasons.
1. Gentle walking tour of bird sanctuary they fund.
2. Sit under umbrella on beach in front of my (unassuming from the front, but holy shit) beach house, slathered in SPF 70. No swimming! Sorry!
3. Prestigious Artist’s Residency! (As long they check all the other “artists” at the place for STDs first!)
4. Cheese tour (not in countries where they drive on the opposite side of the street, only pasteurized cheeses, actually maybe pasta tour, but not in a place with Vespas)
5. Bright lights big city: Five Broadway shows with mother in three days!
6. Journey to Space…CAMP! Take every middle schooler in the country to space camp for a week. You can afford it and everyone stays on the ground!
7. Yoga at Mom’s! I will have a working farm/yoga retreat next to Oprah in Maui and they are welcome to join me/Oprah there!
8. Après ski! Just hot chocolate (NOT TOO HOT) and warm sweaters in a lodge. Absolutely no careening down a mountain on death blades. Oh god actually forget the whole thing. Let’s just stick to the yoga one.
For consideration:
-A European tour of chocolate factories (no Willy Wonka funny stuff).
-Immersive experience week of raining golden retriever puppies as hospital/nursing home companions. This is not heavy-duty guide dog training. It's mostly snuggling, reading, walks and movie watching from a couch or bed.
Whether you're deep in the ocean, climbing Mt Baldy with Julian Sands or hiking a dangerous Malibu canyon just for the hell of it, if you find yourself in trouble, I want you recovered safe and sound so you can be billed into next week by state and feds for imposing on our institutions with your selfishness.