YOUR HIGHLY SPECIFIC GIFT GUIDE: PART ONE
Bespoke holiday delights for your pickiest loved ones.
My introverted 37 y/o mechanical engineer husband who holds the inexplicable belief that it is acceptable to tell a gift-giver that he does not like what they gave him. He returns 90% of all gifts. He is an over-researcher of every purchase, and so while I can choose something related to his hobbies (drumming, camping, drone flying, talking about crypto, hiking, reading reddit, legos, and dodging household tasks), he will inevitably inform me that he already researched that thing and decided it was junk because of [insert technical explanation]. Budget $50-$150.
-Laura H.
Ho boy. There are two answers for this one:
If he’s not, indeed, on the spectrum and is just a crypto redditor who lectures his incredibly kind wife about what is wrong with her gifts and then dodges household tasks: A swift divorce is what I advise but it’s way over the (extremely generous) $150 budget. Instead, he can build this bouquet of LEGO flowers and give them to you. Spend the remaining $90 on a massage for yourself, you tolerant soul.
$59 from LEGO
HOWEVER: If he’s a neuro-atypical nerd who is trying his best, get the guy this LEGO rubix cube that he can tinker with while you, bless you, do his dishes.
$23 from Etsy
And pair it with the most engineering know-it-all book of the year, “What If 2: Additional Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions” by the xkcd writer Randall Munroe. I assume he’s already read the first one which came out in 2014 and lit every MIT graduate’s heart aflame, but if not, give him the set.
$27 from Bookshop
My 50-year-old wife. Born in Chicago. Grew up most of her life on Long Island (Dix Hills) and thinks of herself as a New Yorker. Evidently she was a nightmare of a kid. Hated summer camp. Loves music, loves live music, loves the Grateful Dead. Went to college at CU Boulder and longs to live in Colorado again. Worked in LA in feature animation for a while, then was an at-home mom, then a teacher, now a school administrator. She's a great chef, a fiercely protective mom, doesn't have a lot of friends but the ones she has are incredibly close. She's right-brained: artistic, a little messy and disorganized, full of ideas. She has breast cancer, but hopefully just for another few weeks. She enjoys doing yoga. And she's the best person ever.
- Sy Sussman
OK. I love her. She deserves something from this VERY cool New York store called Coming Soon, and I feel like this animator/school teacher/Dead Head/messy culinary angel deserves a cutting board that makes her feel as happy as she makes you.
$145 from Coming Soon New York
And for her clique, to toast the end of chemo with the happiest champagne/cocktail glasses:
$115 for two from Coming Soon New York
My sister-in-law is a new mom to her 9 month old son. She's from Louisiana, loves creating art, reading, is a former bartender, and has the most incredible skincare in the game. She's also currently converting to Judaism after learning about her Jewish heritage, so this is her first Hanukkah. Budget is $50.
-Sarah
For the cool artist mom with a nine month old, this vegetable-based finger paint is the best cute (and secretly weirdly nutritious) time.
$24 from Maisonette
And since she’s a fun newly-minted Jewess with a baby, this whimsical strawberry dreidel keeps the fruit/veggie theme going in a more heirloom-y way!
$24 from The Jewish Museum
My 38-year-old new sister-in-law who loves skin care and the royals. She is really excited to have married into our culturally half-Jewish family and will possibly be more into the Jewish holidays than the rest of us. Budget $100-ish but can be flexible. - Michelle Johnson
Let’s keep the Jew Train (OH NO!!!!) rolling! Ok. A 38-year-old royal-loving newly converted overly-enthusiastic Jewess? She was made for these fancy British Shabbat candlesticks from the Royal porcelain manufacturer Spode. She’ll be aesthetically in her element on her first Charlotte York Shabbos.
Behold:
$130 from Spode
And to keep things from getting too fuddy duddy, a card and candles from the millenial chic Judaica queens at Via Maris will pull the look together.
$6 from Via Maris
My step-person, 25, happily enjoying the throuple life in Brooklyn, loves comedy, horror movies, cats, pop punk and new wave 80s music. They are much cooler than I and very difficult to buy anything for. I would like to buy something nice for their new apartment. They love to have friends over and entertain so last year’s gift was a turntable and a collection of vinyl, this year I’m stumped. Budget $250-350-ish. -Courtney Vernon
I feel like Dusen Dusen is their aesthetic vocabulary. A set of chic candles and THREE pair of slippers. One in each pattern for each member of the throuple. Warm their table and heart.
$20 for the candles and $75 each for the slippers from Dusen Dusen
My sister-in-law's brand new boyfriend, who is coming for the holidays whom none of us have met. I've been told he's "outdoorsy" and "spiritual" and I think in grad school? I want to get him something little ($25) so he doesn't feel left out when we're all opening presents but I've literally never met him! -Joanna Wolff
The answer is a hardcover copy of “This is Your Mind On Plants” by Michael Pollan because even if he’s read it, he’ll know someone “gets” him and respects his vibe.
$26 from Bookshop
My thrice divorced and single, but with a girlfriend, 80 year old dyed-in-the-wool Republican father. He LOVES wine, whisk(e)y, cheese and beef, has had a quadruple bypass and gout and there is absolutely an arrow over his head ID'ing him for Benefitting Every Day from Patriarchal Culture. Recently cleared of cancer. Loves dogs, hunting, fishing, the stock market, Fox News and Breitbart. Consistently tries to convert me from my liberal ways. Recently returned the gift card I gave him for his bday and told me he doesn't need my money. Tells everyone he meets to Keep Smilin. Budget: $50-150. - Alison
He loves fishing and hunting? Ma’am, that’s a conservationist. Donate $150 to the NRDC in his name (they’re matching donations through the holidays to help fight corporate polluters) and write “Keep Smilin!” on the card. :)
$150 to the NRDC
PART 2:
HIGHLY SPECIFIC 2022 GIFT GUIDE: PART 2
Bess help! My 70 yo dad loves to walk flea markets and buys only tchotchkes no one needs. He lives for spreadsheets and doing home improvements though they are often disastrous. I've stuck out in the past years with books, DIY models, VR (no idea what I was thinking that year). He's got a sweet tooth but is not local. Budget $100 help! - Matt
These are incredible suggestions! I LOLed at your "Jew train" comment. Oh, Bess. :)
Boys generally suck to buys things for but my 21yo son is especially challenging. One year for his birthday, his list had three things on it, including "mechanical pencils, the second least expensive kind." This year his list is: no dress clothes, two pairs of jeans 33/34, two sweaters from H&M (one steel gray and one light gray wtf), and the grand finale, "used copies of Dune (unless we have one somewhere in the house), The Perspective of the World Vol III: Civilization and Capitalism 15th-18th Century, and The Long Twentieth Century: Money, Power, and the Origins of our Times. (Pretty sure the last two are for his senior thesis.) He is very interested in government, U.S. and China specifically, and likes hanging out with his siblings and friends. His main hobbies are Duke basketball and fantasy football. Oh! And music/concerts, like The Hold Steady, and there's a ton of dance/pop on our shared Spotify. It's OK if you do not want to accept this terrible and depressing challenge.