The Grudge Report guide to writing a normal birthday card vs. a birthday card that incriminates you as a sex criminal
A subtle difference!
NORMAL: “Aaaahh so glad you were born! Hope you’re having the best birthday!”
SEX CRIMINAL: “May every day be another wonderful secret” accompanied by a drawing of a naked girl’s headless torso.
NORMAL: “Happy birthday to the greatest guy. May it be a wonderful year full of health and happiness!”
SEX CRIMINAL: “VOICE OVER: There must be more to life than having everything. DONALD: Yes there is, but I won’t tell you what it is” directly above a pair of barely defined breasts on a headless, and also armless torso.
NORMAL: “Happy birthday, friend! I hope you’re having the best day today and every day! Let’s celebrate in person soon!! xo”