Some things that do and don’t contribute to autism

A list

Bess Kalb

Sep 24, 2025

YES: Older sperm.
NO: Tylenol.

YES: More and more men having children later in life.
NO: CVS brand acetaminophen.

YES: Fathers over the age of 40.
NO: Walgreens brand acetaminophen.

YES: If a man has a first family, then later in life decides to have a second, and then finally, a third family.
NO: Tylenol Extra Strength Rapid Release Gel Tabs.

YES: Father is young? Genetics.
NO: Children’s Tylenol if your baby has a fever.

YES: “But my parents and grandparents weren’t autistic!” You sure about that? How’s your antisocial grandfather’s fastidious wood shop/stamp collection/model train setup? How’s his recall of arcane Red Sox facts from the 30s vs. knowing his own child’s birthday? And for that matter, in the generation before him — who flew us to space without computers? Who composed symphonies without picking up an instrument? Who meticulously painted photorealistic portraiture during the Enlightenment? Who put together a PRINTING PRESS? All major inflection points in human culture happen with a collective neuro-atypical renaissance pushing society forward. Your child’s brain is different from the typical developmental paradigm? Cool. Maybe he’ll be part of the next giant leap for mankind. Or maybe he’ll just be a kid who needs some extra help from a trained professional to function. But whether or not they’re the next Mozart or Tesla, autistic kids will grow up into adults who deserve to feel tolerated by a society that has made advances in accommodating and celebrating them. And fuck any willfully ignorant tyrant without a medical degree (whose input you would fucking IGNORE in a class parent WhatsApp) telling you that a doctor-approved medication had anything to do with your child’s neurological predestination. And may they feel the shame and psychic pain they inflicted on millions of women they blamed for a medical outcome that has ALWAYS existed and could never have been prevented, no matter what bullshit cure their discredited TV Doctor buddy is about to peddle next.
NO: Vaccines.