Visualization
You close your eyes. You’re on a warm beach by a gently lapping calm, turquoise ocean. The sand is soft as powder between your fingers. There’s the faint smell of coconuts. The sun starts to set on the horizon, and the sky is streaked with bursts of pink and orange against the soft clouds and — what’s that little black thing poking out of the ocean? Why is it — oh, it’s an oil derrick and oh Christ there are so many of them — it must be some kind of offshore drilling site and why are your feet sticky? You look at the soles of your feet. They are covered in tar. They are covered in tar because the world is ending and it’s your fault.
Walking Meditation
You walk through an autumnal forrest pathway in the park. The fallen leaves crunch pleasingly beneath your steps. The crisp air is redolent with the faint scent of roasted chestnuts and apples. Wait — apples. Is that cyanide? Or no - that’s almonds. Actually it does kind of smell like almonds. Oh my G-d. You are dying. You are dying in a beautiful autumnal forrest.
Stillness
You sit crosslegged on a mat. You place your hand on your abdomen. Your attention turns to your breath. In and out. In. Hold. Out. Hold.
In….hold a little longer.
Out.
In. Hold it. Hold your breath. Your vision starts to swirl. Your heart quickens. Maybe if you just never breathe, you will pass out, and when you wake up this will all be over. And she will have won.
WHOOOSH.
Damnit. You breathe out. You are a mammal and so you must breathe out.
Lungs fill and empty. The sun sets. The sun rises. And eventually it will be Tuesday again.
You lay down.
You’re on the ground.
The ground is nice. The ground is cold. Maybe you just stay here. Yes! You can stay on the ground and you don’t have to get up again until you hear some internal calling, some knowledge beyond reason, some —
“MAMA! I’M HOME!”
F. How is this a toss up?!
🥺