Screenplay By a Studio Executive During the WGA/SAG Strikes

A once-in-a-generation talent!

EXT. YACHT DECK – MIDDAY

A HANDSOME AND TANNED EXECUTIVE, DANIEL, SITS ON A NEWLY UPHOLSTERED VINTAGE CHAISE ONCE OWNED BY FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT, BOUGHT AT AUCTION RIGHT UNDER THE SMITHSONIAN’S FUCKING NOSE. HIS SMART, ACCOMPLISHED, 28-YEAR-OLD WIFE ASHLEY TANS HER INCREDIBLE, SMART, ACCOMPLISHED BODY NEXT TO HIM.

DANIEL

Wow. Weather’s perfect.

ASHLEY

Yeah.

DANIEL

Thank goodness because it’s such a shitstorm back at the office.

ASHLEY

[LAUGHS SO HARD SHE CHOKES, DAVID SAVES HER]

DANIEL

Wow. I saved your life.

ASHLEY

You’re the best. I love you for you. And your kids love me. They’re just acting out because your bitch ex brainwashed them.

DANIEL

You said it! Not me!

ASHLEY

The writers will cave soon. They’re just stringing you along like your kids whom I love like my own, and who see me as a maternal figure.

DANIEL

You really think so?

ASHLEY

I know so. Do you think Tiger Woods would have officiated all three of your weddings if he thought you were a guy who loses?

DANIEL

Definitely not.

THEY HAVE SEX AT ASHLEY’S URGING.

90 MINUTES LATER - CONTINUOUS

ASHLEY IS ASLEEP IN POST-COITAL HEAVEN. DANIEL IS CLOSING A DEAL ON HIS PHONE (YOUNG GREEK FILMMAKER - GREECE IS THE NEXT KOREA) WHEN A RENOWNED CHEF/FRIEND POACHED FROM AN LA RESTAURANT FOR THE SUMMER BRINGS DANIEL A PERFECTLY COOKED TRUFFLE BURGER WITH A SIDE SALAD. THERE’S LIKE TEN OUNCES OF AUSTRALIAN WINTER TRUFFLES ON THAT THING.

DANIEL BITES INTO THE BURGER, THE JUICE RUNS DOWN HIS RIPPED CHEST AND EVEN MORE RIPPED ABS. HIS ABS ARE JUST SHREDDED.

CHEF JEAN-LUC

Is it to your liking, Monsieur Zaz?

DANIEL

Hell yeah, Jean-Luc. The only beef I want to have, is this kind of beef! Not the beef I have with the ungrateful so-called “writers” in the WGA!

JEAN-LUC LAUGHS SO HARD HE FALLS OVERBOARD, HE IS REPLACED IMMEDIATELY BY ANOTHER AWESOME CHEF WHO SPECIALIZES IN PALEO COOKING OR WHATEVER AND IS MORE OF A FRIEND THAN A CHEF.

ASHLEY

Davey, can you rub tanning oil on my butt?

DANIEL

Yes.

ROLL CREDITS, PRODUCTION COMPANY LOGO IS THE YACHT