My draft of Joe Biden's presidential farewell address immediately after seeing my child knocked down on the playground

It was an honor to write this historic speech

My Fellow Americans,

For the past four years, it has been my honor to serve you as your president. Most of you.

Really all of you except Kai, who just pushed Bess Kalb’s son down on the playground in the park out of fucking nowhere.

Over the past four years we have endured so much together as a nation, weathering economic downturns, climate disasters, and the fact that after pushing Ms. Kalb’s kid, Kai laughed. Then, his mother stepped in.

America, instead of reprimanding Kai in any way, this woman employed tactics of what I am told is called “gentle parenting.”

It gives me no pleasure to report to you today, from the resolute desk, that she said only:

[PICKS UP HAND-WRITTEN DOCUMENT, PUTS ON READING GLASSES]