How to talk to your children about the election

Hope this helps

• Explain in a calm voice, in clear terms, that no matter what happens, mommy is going to immediately die right now.

• Let them know that even though some grown ups are worried, mommy is the most worried, and her stress is going to explode the sun.

• Do something without screens, like refreshing the Times on your phone while they’re trying to tell you about their days.

• Explain that if a man named Donald Trump becomes president, their lives won’t change, but Elmo will be shot point blank on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

• If they have questions about any of it, burst into tears and shout “YOU COULDN’T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND!”

• Go for a walk around the block, call your best friend, come home, give them a biiiiiig hug, make their noodles, watch their gorgeous faces, sniff their perfect heads, bathe their sweet little bodies, get them all cozy in their PJs, do three books, extra kisses, turn off the lights, sing two songs, shut the door, then go into the kitchen and fucking drink.