How to Gentle Parent Your President When He Won't Step Aside
You've got this, America!
We’ve all been there. It’s time to leave the election, but your sweet President simply won’t go. He refuses. He acts out. He writes an open letter to Democratic leadership. It’s frustrating and it’s easy to lose your cool when the stubborn refusal turns into a tantrum, but with a few simple steps, your sweet guy will do the right thing for his legacy AND for nap time.
Catch Flies With Honey!
A little praise goes a long way. Make sure you compliment him before you break the sad scary news that a big transition is coming up. You can start with, “Nobody doubts you have been one of the greatest presidents of our lifetimes. Your record stands as a shining example of American progress and a grateful nation thanks you for stepping in when needed.” Making him feel safe and reminding him he is loved is so important before telling him what he doesn’t want to hear. Then you can add: “But it’s getting late and you need rest, so it’s time to go home.”
Offer an Alternative
If your President is going through a train phase, for example, let him know that when he gets home, he can have Amtrak.
Check In With His Emotions
It can sound accusatory if you say “You are holding this country hostage and dangling us over a fascist hell pit because you can’t see the writing on the fucking wall,” but instead, phrase it as a question that gives him ownership of the situation and ask, “Do we hold this country hostage because we can’t see the writing on the fucking wall?”
Take (Gentle!) Charge
Explain it is not safe for his body or other people’s bodies if he stays in the election, and if he won’t go, it is your job to move his body for him. Yes, he might scream (and even kick!) but that’s totally normal. As one of the best moms I know once told me: “When it’s time to go, it’s time to go.” As hard as it is to see him get so upset, he will thank you in the long run. Or, with any luck, he’ll forget the whole thing soon.
Buy him a picture book that describes the process of stepping aside in a positive light and read it to him every night to assuage his anxiety.
Of all the fabulous phrase-making here, I think I like "dangling us over a fascist hell pit" the best. Because, let's face it, that pretty much sums up the situation.
RBG could've retired and didn't, giving you a 6-3 SCOTUS instead of 5-4. The "I've still got it!" president's childlike selfishness will cost us even more. No wonder the timely parenting how-to! You've still got it!