Gifts for, specifically, you. (Part 1)
The most thrilling writing assignment of my year
All these suggestions are from the comments section of THIS post. I’ve answered them in no particular order, but these comments seemed to encompass several archetypes that might speak many of the other people on your list.
My brilliant, creative, very adventurous sister. She has LOTS of very deep/niche interests: making delightfully strange collages out of old magazines and books (a previously successful gift was a stack of vintage magazines and some very old coffee table books I found), canoeing on the Gowanus canal, talking to strangers for hours, reading 100+ books a year (!!), going to Russian underground ping pong clubs in Coney Island, tide pooling, tiny museums with scientific oddities in jars. She hosts and produces a science podcast, so my previous go-to gift (the coolest, weirdest sciencey book I could find) never works because she invariably read it two years ago when she got an advance copy. She loves biking everywhere, TikTok, I Think You Should Leave, thrift stores, tiny antique tchotchkes, Formula 1 racing, and bands no one has ever heard of (once someone else has heard of them they are out). Budget is up $100ish but can be flexible.
For your beloved Portlandia episode of a sister, Susan Alexandra has created a necklace. Susan is a jewelry maker who is also a vintage treasure hunter with a sense of humor and whose sparklemania shop on Orchard Street truly looks like a cavern of antique tchotchkes (go in person, trust me). She is very much on your sister’s wavelength, and has created the perfect item for a sister to give a sister: A couple’s necklace. She will laugh and smile and it is also so cool and cute and layer-able and gorgeous and detailed and silly and she’s going to love it.
I am also going to suggest a day at World Spa in Brooklyn so you guys can DO something together. It’s Russian Underground Ping Pong, but instead of Ping Pong you guys can sit in a snow forrest room with actual snow, then soak in a traditional Hammam, then get thwacked by leaves by the gorgeous angry older Russian ladies who work there. And most importantly, because you clearly adore this treasure of a person, you to be together in a tub and listen to her talk about science stuff.
Adding to the pile of male in laws: my father in law. Buys everything he wants the minute he wants it, needs nothing. Likes fly fishing, playing guitar and mandolin, doom scrolling on his phone, lives in Colorado but loves visiting Montana 3-5 times/year for time with out of state grandkids, reading “Dad lit” books (Harry Bosch and the like), sports-- all sports. Doesn’t like people that aren’t in his immediate family, crowded restaurants, any activity that requires he be out of his home after dark. Past gifts include charity donations in his name, concert tickets (10 years ago-- he wouldn’t be jazzed about this now), every fly fishing book that’s ever been written. Budget: $100-$200. Please help us, Bess!
I love a fly-fishing dad. I have a fly-fishing dad. One day I will become, in my own way, a fly-fishing dad. I also have a fly-fishing father-in-law, and when I tell you the look of sheer “I am pleased by this” he had when I presented him with a bespoke collection of really beautiful trout flies from Orvis presented in their little tackle boxes, it was one of the proudest moments of my life as a gift-giver. Because you KNOW where he fishes, you can get flies for freshwater in Montana or Colorado specifically. You’ll want a good assortment of streamers and nymphs, but probably some dry flies, too, since he’s probably casting on the surface in rivers. You see? I am a fly-fishing dad. They also have a few “greatest hits” boxes if you’re not sure where to start. This one is a great selection from (I am quoting from the website) “Orvis’s Chief Fly Fishing Enthusiast Tom Rosenbauer.” If it’s good enough for Tom, who are we to do otherwise?
Husband, 36. Lawyer and dad to two young boys in Brooklyn. Loves to cook NYT recipes, play nerdy board games, read historical biographies, take the dog for long walks, swim, drink nice coffee, host friends/family for meals. Bakes challah weekly with our 4 year old. Actually nurtures his male friendships, including long calls with his best friend across the country. Not a sports guy. Does not have an innate sense of style but would reallllly like to develop one and is so proud when I say he looks handsome. Grew up with a beloved labrador retriever and sometimes I think he is one. Combining bday and Hanukkah gift so $1000 budget.
“Is so proud when I say he looks handsome?” Ok, you have a thousand dollars to blow on this mensch, and so you are going to take him to Nice Brooklyn Dad Style Emporium “Fig” on Seventh Avenue. It smells like Sandalwood and is decorated like it’s the COOL apartment of someone who definitely has a “cabin” upstate, and full of $200 shirts and BURGUNDY (!?) cords that he, I’m telling you, needs. You will get a sitter and go with him and go “oooh” and “aaahhh” when he tries on their Faherty sweaters and Frank and Eileen button downs. The sales people are very nice there and very gentle to husbands. Go with grace.
My sister-in-law! She’s 41, a hospital nurse, has pre-kindergarten age kids. Not a lot of time for hobbies besides travel though that’s on hold for the moment (see: 2 young kids). She enjoys running for exercise, not like, marathon level. Would like to cook more but lacks headspace for planning and is calorie/ingredient conscious. Lives in Northern California but misses her midwestern roots. $100ish
Giving someone a cookbook for a present is a bit of an attack. “YOU’RE GIVING ME AN ASSIGNMENT? YOU’RE GIVING ME A WORK MANUAL? YOU’RE SHOWING ME SOMEONE WHO IS GOOD AT SOMETHING THAT I AM BAD AT?”
But his cookbook changed my life. It came out a year ago, and it has CHARTS, which all cookbooks should have. It’s not recipes, it’s a puzzle, and you get to mix and match based on what you have lying around (you do not need to plan, you do not need a brain or head) and it has solved toddler dinners in a lot of ways in that so many of the recipes are “things you can throw into noodles.”
Then since you’re doing something unking (gifting a cookbook), you have to also do what any hospital nurse with two young children deserves: Get her a MASSAGE. On a WEEKEND. At BEDTIME.
Northern California is full of hippie places that will schmear her with eucalyptus and palo santo oil and charge you $100 for it. Find a not-gross one near her and feel good about yourself for making her feel good about herself.
Long time admirer, first time paid subscriber when this December tradition comes around. I have to get something for my mother and it’s a secret Hanukkah Harry situation so it’s like the only gift she will get from any kid/grandkid. Up to $250. She is 76, extremely petite, always cold. Particular about her appearance in a way that is hard to intervene in. Keeps her head above water with Mac, iPhone, and Apple Watch but would appreciate it if nothing would ever change or need to be upgraded about any of them. Loves her grandchildren but spends most of her time with them cooking and washing dishes rather than getting on the floor to play because nothing dirty can be allowed to sit. Used to garden but has since moved to a high-rise so just a few plants on the terrace. Not a big book reader but always had a stack of physical clippings from magazines and newspapers for you. H-E-L-P!
I love her and this is also — to be morbid, MANY decades from now — the perfect obituary? I would love for a child of mine to one day publish exactly this about me. We need to warm this chic, perfectionist skinny legend. You’re going to get two things. One is a GORGEOUS cashmere wrap that she can wear as she doomscrolls and daydreams about gardening. Here’s the one. You’re going to MONOGRAM it with whatever name the children call her. She’ll freaking die (IN TWENTY YEARS, I’M SO SORRY. I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M FACING MORTALITY WITH YOUR DESCRIPTION OF YOUR MOTHER.)
You’re also going to get her this Montessori knife set for kids, which my own children use, and has revolutionized the amount of help (and joy/pride in accomplishment) they have in the kitchen. If she’s not going to get down on the ground to play with the grandchildren, have them get up to the counter to help her, for crying out loud.
My sister is a 53 yr old tall, skinny, blonde, type A attorney who typically sends a link to you for Christmas and birthday gifts bc she wants exactly what she wants and she gets it. Her taste is best described as “classic”. She is unfailingly organized, works approximately one zillion hours per week, and is a devoted wife and mother who is on top of absolutely everything and will organize the neighborhood block party, commandeer the meal train for the friend with cancer, send you a Halloween card, remember your wedding anniversary, and create a personalized photo thank you note before you’ve even gotten home from giving her a gift. I guess what I’m saying is, I’m worried she’s going to have a stroke. Budget: $200/250 range? (A little over is okay, I’m the younger sister and rules were made to be broken).
She wants a monogrammed Hill House robe. Get it in Small/Medium to send a message that Small is not the only option. She can relax a little, in a “classic” way.
(Also, I should say, these are all gifts for grown ups! Kids: Get them a Puffalo book and stuffy, obviously. I put my entire brain and heart into truly the platonic ideal of a gift for a small child! I’m not even going to link to it just go get it and be done with it. It’s a love story! The stuffy is so cute! What are you doing! Or, I don’t know, if it’s a teenager, just discretely give them money and be a legend.)
I was in the bookstore the other day buying Puffalo for the newest big brother on our block, when I overheard a family in the picture book section saying “Buffalo… Puffalo??” So being the helpful bookstore stalker that I am, I rushed in, offered them the copy I’d just taken off the shelf, recommended they nab the OG Fluff too, and picked up another copy for my gift. Best sibling present!!
Finally paying for a subscription to your work was the best gift I could give myself. Next to my third dog of course. Thanks, Bess!