Atonements: An Incomplete List of Apologies My Toddler Requested This Year
A Yom Kippur Roundup
This year, in order to be inscribed in the Book of Life, my toddler requested I apologize for the following sins:
Peeling his banana down too far.
Serving him toast with butter (he asked for toast with butter)
Buckling his helmet without kissing his helmet.
Putting his scooter on “the wrong wood on the floor.”
Not telling him there was about to be thunder.
Singing “It’s Raining It’s Pouring” (too scary)
Singing anything.
Not saying “goodnight” to his blue bunny.
A dream he had where I was “a different cat.”
A dream he had where I was “not playing with a cat.”
Pushing his stroller over a root.
Wearing a dress with too many flowers on it.
Wearing a different hat.
Making the bath water too bubbly.
Making the bath water too clear.
Applying shampoo to his hair and washing it out.
Buying new socks with gripper dots on the bottoms so he stops falling.
Using a napkin to kill a spider instead of using my words.
Talking to my husband while we were in the car.
Working.
Having another child.
Toddlerhood is the diva stage of human development. I'm crylaughing about you not using your words with the spider.
You're a monster!