An apology to Lauren Bezos
I'm sorry.
Last night Lauren Sanchez Bezos was an “honorary co-chair” of the Met Gala because she is an arbiter of taste and style, and not because she is married to a billionaire she entrapped by surgically modifying herself to fulfill his rumored crush on Sofia Vergara.
I owe her an apology for what I wrote on Instagram last night. I’m going to reprint it all here, and include a dozen more things nobody should ever say about this stylish and cool person.
And I’m not just saying this because I am a working television writer who is actively pitching projects to streaming platforms including Amazon, I’m saying this because the woman is a timeless, regal human-looking person who seems like she’d be very kind to a spa attendant who accidentally dropped something while she was TRYING to relax.
So here goes. Lauren Sanchez Bezos, who legally has to share a bed with a man who looks like a cartoon turtle without its shell, wore this to the most important night in fashion:
I saw this look, styled by Law Roach in exchange for his voice which she wears in an amulet around her neck, and my initial reactions were — I freely admit — unfair. In case there are Amazon execs reading this, here are some observations I wrote that I disavow:
This is the most “Mother of the Groom” I’ve ever seen a woman look not at her son’s Long Island country club wedding. This is the face she makes after ending her toast with, “And remember, he loved ME first, Sarah!”
Her tailor is part of the resistance.
It’s giving “The most requested Badgley Mischka mid-range gown on Rent the Runway” with dangly earrings from the case at the hair salon.
It’s giving Oscars seat filler.