Actual things my parents said while my son has been sick with a mild cold

Pray for them

[Phone call, 7AM]

MOM [CLEARLY ON SPEAKER PHONE]: How was the night?

ME: Fine. Up once and gave him some Tylenol. We gave him another dose when he woke up a little bit ago.

DAD: That’s pushing it for liver toxicity.

ME: Hi, Dad! We’re also alternating Motrin. And, as I have said before, you are not a pediatrician.

DAD: I was medical director of an intensive care unit but — ha — what do I know?