A brief guide to what happened to Kate Middleton

Four reasonable possibilities

I have seen the video of “Kate” and “William” on a “grocery shopping trip” at an outdoor market. It sort of looks like them and it vaguely seems authentic. I do believe she had abdominal surgery and was in the hospital for it, but I’ve done a fair amount of research and watched some very convincing videos so here are the most likely answers to “What is going on with Kate Middleton?”

Possibility One:

After recovering a bit from her planned abdominal surgery, Kate Middleton took a walk by an ancient ruin and touched a moss-covered stone pillar. With an otherworldly grumble, the ground started quaking beneath her. In a freezing gust, she was swirled in a torrent of black fog. Her feet left the ground and she felt pulled in every direction as if between two realms, until just as suddenly as it started she dropped to the ground in eerie silence. Breathless, she found herself laying in the same field, at the base of the same stone ruin, which was suddenly pristine. A voice called out from behind her, “Are ye lost, lassie?” Trembling, Kate tried to answer, “I’m not - I live just down the lane,” she gestured back in the direction she came, but the country road was gone, and a thick forest stood where it had been. “That’s peculiar,” she said. “I don’t seem to know where I am.” She turned toward the sound of the voice and saw handsome man dressed in feudal garments, “Where ye are? Or when ye are?” They immediately had sex. After weeks and weeks of carnal bliss, she remembered where she’s needed - where she belongs. Weeping goodbye, she touched the stone again, and was transported back to the present, and went grocery shopping with William at an outdoor market.

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Possibility Two:

After recovering from her planned abdominal surgery, Kate Middleton found a pair of bright red underwear in her husband’s belongings. This was the last fucking straw. She needed a way out. And she knew there was only one way. The scene of the break-in had to look sloppy. Intentional. And the diary had to be believable - different pens for different entries, just enough hysteria to make even a rookie cop write a warrant. There would have to be a lot of blood - that she couldn’t fake, but if the plan was going to work, she'd have to commit. She’d lay low at a cheap motel for a few weeks - pay cash, cut her hair, dye it, put on a little weight. If shit went south, she’d pivot. Go to her ex’s house. She’d wait to see the world go into hysteria looking for her. She’d wait to see the look on her husband’s face on the news. And just as the world turned against him, she’d show up, bloody and bruised, at his doorstep. “I’m home,” she’d say, collapsing into his arms, “I’m finally home.” Then they’d go grocery shopping at an outdoor market.

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Possibility Three:

The marriage was over, and of course he’d get the kids. He’d get everything. There was only one option. Kate Middleton went to see her brother, who worked in theatrical makeup and prosthetics. “I need you to make me…mom,” she said to him. After a few wigs, a few fake teeth, and more than a few pounds of latex, they both looked in the mirror and knew: This was it. William was desperate for help around the house, and after a few phone calls, she got the job: She’d be the children’s governess. Weeks went by and she relished in seeing the kids, in seeing a more grateful side of William, a more tender side. But he was falling in love with someone new, and she had to sabotage it. At her breaking point, she pulled off her disguise and to everyone’s horror and betrayal and deep confusion, revealed herself to be their mother. Then she and William went grocery shopping at an outdoor market.

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Possibility Four:

She is recovering from abdominal surgery and bad at photoshop.